I NEEEED JOKES (blonde preferably)?

Any jokes whold be fine but I like blonde jokes. Lol i know i know im a blonde. Im sory its a sick pleasure hearing jokes about myself :D

I NEEEED JOKES (blonde preferably)?-Myspace pictures

okay... theres a blonde, an ugly brunette, and a stupid red head......they go to the mall and see a booth, they read the outside and it says "tell the truth and get a wish, lie and you get zapped to a different dimension" so the brunette goes in and says i think Im pretty --zap-- the red head goes in and says i think im smart --zap-- the blonde says i think --zap--

I NEEEED JOKES (blonde preferably)?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

A blond walks into the doctor's office and says, "I hurt all over."

The doctor says, sit down and touch the spots that hurt with your finger.

The blond starts touching different parts of her body with her finger: her elbow, her knee, her head, all her other fingers, and her belly button. And everytime she touched anything she screamed "OUCH!"

Finally the doctor tells her to "Stop".

The doctor looks at her for a second, and says, "You must be a natural Blond, because your finger is broken."
go on a search engine and type in blond jokes
you know how to kill a blonde, put a scratch en sniff at the bottom of a pool!
what do you call a blonde standing on her head?

A brunette with bad breath!
i have one right here...what do u call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

pregnant!! LOL....no offense to u of course
3 blondes walking and the first one says "I think I see deer tracks", the 2nd blond says "no silly, those are elk tracks" and the 3rd blonde got hit by the train
A blonde policewoman pulls over a blonde. The Blonde Policewoman asks the blonde for her license, the blonde says "what's a license?".

The blonde policewoman says it's a thing about the size of a credit card that has your picture on it.

THe blonde looks through her purse, pulls out a small mirror, looks at it, gets a relieved look on her face, and hands it to the blonde policewoman.

The Blonde Policewoman looks at the mirror and gives it back to the blonde immediately and says "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you were a cop."
Why was the blond staring at the orange juice carton?

B/c it said concentrate.
A blonde was walking through the woods and came to a river. She saw another blonde on the opposite bank and yelled, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The other blonde yelled back to her, "You're already on the other side!"
A man got into an elevator and the blonde inside smiled and said cheerily "TGIF." He just stared at her blankly.

She tried again: "TGIF" No response.

Once again, questioningly, "TGIF?"

To which the man finally replies "ITYM."

Finally she says "TGIF, you know, Thank God It's Friday.".

The man says to the blonde "It's Thursday, you moron."
A blond woman goes to the salon with headphones on her head. She get to the hairdresser and says "Cut my hair but don't touch the headphones." So the hairdresser begins to cut her hair and she accidently hit the headphones and knocked them on the ground. The blond woman died shortly after. The hairdresser picked up the headphones and put them on her head and she heard "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out."
there is a blonde, brunette, and a red head running from the cops. They stop at the barn, and the blonde hides in a potato sack, the red hides in a barrel, and the brunette hides in a haystack.

When the police come in the barn they say "Oh we've got them now!"

They walk over the haystack and the brunette says "Meow meow"

the police are like "ok, it's just a cat."

they walk over to the barrel and the red says "woof woof"

so they are like "ok, it's just a dog."

when they walk over to the potato sack they hear "potato potato!"
Okay, so here are a lot....

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says "oh my, you have such beautiful dogs.. what are their names?"

The blonde replies "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex."

The man responds "Huh.. that's interesting.. why did you name them such names?"

The blonde sighs and shakes her head "Everyone keeps asking me the same thing... duhh, what else can you name your watch dogs??"

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?

Tell her a joke on Monday!

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

Look at this :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1qHbM7fO...
There was convention of blondes and the host gets up and tells the crowd " I'm here to prove blondes are not stupid." He asked a blonde up to the stage. He asked her "What is 15+15?" The blonde answers "31" The host said wrong. The crowd roars " Give her another chance, give her another chance." The host said that was pretty hard I will give you another one that is a little easier that will still prove that blondes are not dumb, "What is 15+6?" the blonde answers "22" The host said wrong. The crowd roars, "Give her another chance, give her another chance" The host said that was a little hard I will give you another one that is a little easier than the last one, but still will prove that blondes are not dumb, "What is 2+2?" The blonde answers "4" the crowd roars, "Give her another chance, give another chance"
how do you make a one-armed blond fall out of a tree

wave

How do you drown a submarine full of blonds

knock on the door
There were two blondes walking on the street one day. One blonde told the other, look at that dog with one eye.The blonde covers her eye and says, "what dog, where"?
"Do you know the worst place to be in a major earthquake? In a hospital operating room getting a vasectomy. Do you know the best place to be? A Hooters restaurant."

This guy is going through a nasty divorce. One night he's sitting at a bar getting plastered. Suddenly he raises his head, looks over his shoulder to his left and yells, "You women are all bitches!" then goes back to staring into his drink.

Five minutes later he raises his head looks over his shoulder to his right and yells, "You women are all whores!"

To that a women stands up and says, "I am not a whore!"

The guy keeps looking at his glass and says, "Then get to the other side."

One day a couple was sitting around a table discussing all the good and bad times they had together in their marriage. After a while the husband goes to the wife: "I'll bet you can't tell me something that is good and bad at the same time."

So the wife thought to herself for a while and then replied: "Well you've got a bigger penis than your brother's"

"My daughter lives in a penthouse apartment in Miami ," reports Sadie to her friend Sophie. "She goes out to dinner every night at a different restaurant, has beautiful furs and clothes, and lots of boyfriends."

"How interesting!" Sophie replies. "My daughter's a whore, too."

"Okay, class, we're going to play a game today," said the third grade teacher. "I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."

She then goes around the room asking each child.

Mikey says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."

The teacher says, "Very good, Mikey."

Clair says, "The sky is very dark, perhaps it's going to rain."

The teacher says, "Very good, Clair."

Little Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna **** on the piano."

A man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I've got this problem, only you've got to promise not to laugh."

The doctor replies, "Of course I won't laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of being a doctor I've never laughed at a patient."

"OK then," says the man, and he drops his trousers.

The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor.

Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he says to the patient, "I don't know what came over me. I won't let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, "It's swollen."

Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them. One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast that thing was moving?"

The other replies, "Yeah. You'd move fast too if you had three butt holes and they were all on fire!"

Do you know why men are so concerned about the size of their penises? Because they should be.