Post your funniest jokes here and they might show up on my cuzs' website!?

my cuz has a joke website and he needs more jokes to put on it. please help him and post jokes below

Post your funniest jokes here and they might show up on my cuzs' website!?-Myspace pictures

hold on, let me get them....

allright, here they are:

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A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches

from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylightsout of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a

hearse for the last 25 years."

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Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that he go with her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping.

He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from the store.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares.. and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M%26amp;M's on layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. D Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme .

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least ...

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

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One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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There were four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and everybody was sure that somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but nobody did it. Somebody got angry with that because it was everybody's job. Everybody thought anybody could do it. But nobody realized that everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that everybody blamed somebody when nobody did what anybody could have done!!!

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lol!

Post your funniest jokes here and they might show up on my cuzs' website!?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

ummmmmm

No.

Let him get his own by searching through here like everybody else.
Why did the chicken cross the street?

To tell a lame joke.

Why was the joke lame?

B/C someone asked for a joke.

They have tons of good jokes that you can copy and paste here on answers, so utilize them, but get the jokers permission first
Personal Question

A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said to her.

"I don't know," replied the beautiful young woman. "It depends how personal it is."

"OK," the guy said. "How many men have you slept with?"

"I'm not going to tell you that!" the woman exclaimed. "That's my business!"

"Sorry," said the guy, "I didn't realize you made a living out of it."
What do you call a reindeer wearing earmuffs?

You can call him anything you want, he won't hear you.

How many reindeer does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Eight. One to screw and seven to hold Rudolph.

Those aren't my funniest, but I can't remember most of my funniest right now.

:)
okay, here we go:

mmk so theres these two blondes and the decide that they would save money by putting up the siding on their house themselves. so they get a bag of nails, some purple siding, and a ladder. the first blond steps up the ladder, takes a nail, and throughs it away. she then takes another nail, and hammers it in. she keeps on repeating this until finally, the other blonde says "what the hell are you doing?!" and the other blonde replies, " if the blunt side of the nail is facing the wall, its pretty hard to hammer in." the other blonde says " no you idiot that one is for the other side of the house."

theres these three guys in a bar and the first guy says to everyone, "who wants to hear a joke?" the other guys mumble and say, umm ok I guess. " okay so theres this blonde guy and,"

'whoa! wait a minute, the blonde bartender says, im blonde and i know karate. see that guy over there?"

"yeah?"

they are all 10th degree black belts and are blonde."

"still wanna tell that joke?"

"no, not if i am gonna have to explain it 4 times."
A little boy peeks into his big sister's bedroom and sees her rubbing her chest and moaning "Oh God, I need a man, I need a man" A few hours later her boyfriend arrives and the little boy sees her in bed with her boyfriend. He immediately goes into his room and stands in front of his mirror rubbing his chest and saying "Oh God I need a new bike, A new bike!"
How do you know when a woman is about to say something intelligent?

She starts by saying, "My husband said...."