i'm in the mood for a laugh and i'm tired of the same old jokes like the rodeo position and the police officer who stopped the drop dead gorgeous woman. please? ten points to best answer! and no i'm not going to report anyone
Dirty jokes?!?!?-Myspace pictures
Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.
The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.
Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."
The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."
HERES ANOTHER:
A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.
The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"
HERES ANOTHER!:
A king wants his daughter to have a husband so he puts up a flier.
The first guy comes and the king puts green glitter on his daughters private part. The next mornning the king checks the guys private part and there's green glitter all over it.
More and more guys come along and the same thing keeps happening.
Finally, one day this guy comes along. The king puts the green glitter on his daughters private part, and the next mornning checks the guys privates and there was no green glitter.
The king is thrilled and offers the man his daughters hand in marriage.
The guy smiles to accept with a mouth full of green glitter
HAVE FUN!
Dirty jokes?!?!?
-(Myspace images myspace.com)
Two old men go to an escort service house. The madam asks them what they want. They say women. She asks, "How old are you?" They say 90. So she tells one of the girls to take them upstairs and put each of them in a room with a blow up doll. So they go upstairs and do their thing. When they come back downstairs the first old man asks the other "How was it?" The other one says "I think she was dead, she just layed there, how was yours?" "I think mine was a witch." "A witch?" "Yeah, I bit her on the tit, she farted and flew out the window."
What's the most embarrassing thing that can happen to a cheerleader? Doing the splits and 8 class rings fall out
A guy attending a wedding asks the person sitting next to him, 閳ユ窏ey, have you noticed how horrible-looking the bride is? Man, she's ugly!閳?閳ユ返ou jackass. That's my daughter you're talking about!閳?the person responds. 閳ユ伐ops! I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know you we're the father.閳?閳ユ窔'm not, you stupid idiot. I'm the mother!閳ユ絸||Why did the blond stop using her vibrator? B~CUZ she kept on chipping her teeth.
http://www.youtube.com/v/GiTJ_ko3eKo
What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
A man calls his wife from the emergency room and says
"honey, there was an accident at work today, and I cut off my finger" The wife asks "the HOLE finger?" The husband replies "No, the one next to it"
A man buys a packet of mixed flavoured condoms. Raspberry, Banana, and Strawberry. He says to his wife 'Lets play a game, I'll put one on %26amp; you guess what flavour it is'. His wife agrees. She slips under the duvet and says 'Cheese and Onion?' He says 'For chuffs sake, Give me a chance to put one on!!'
The chicken and the egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed.
The egg mutters "Well I guess that answers that riddle".
And my favourate.......
mr and mrs blobby are in bed. mrs blobby says ' blib blob bobble blub bibbly bob blubbly blib!'
mr blobby says 'just f***ing swallow it!
