The dirtiest jokes!?

give me the worst, the nastiest you have, if they are worse then mine you get ten points!!!!

Rules:

jokes can't have punch lines including, pussy/mayo, 80 yr old virgin/roton cherry, pick scabs/let puss run or glass eye/sing national anthem!

and they have to be NASTY!!!!

SUPRISE ME PEOPLE I KNOW YOU HAVE IT IN YOU!

for MY nasty jokes e mail ME, your request!

The dirtiest jokes!?-Myspace pictures

This joke is pretty nasty/dirty. Not the usual kid of jokes I Tell but I will post it here and see if it surprises you.

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

The dirtiest jokes!?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

This little girl walks over to her grandmother and asks "Granny, can you show me a magic trick?" "No dear, but I think your grand father knows one." So the little girl walks over to her grandpa and asks "Grandpa, granny says you know some magic tricks, could you show me one?" The grand father looks at her, "Sure, just hop on my lap!" So the little girl jumps on his lap. "Now, can you feel a finger poking up your ***?" asks the grandpa, "Yeah" replies the girl "Well look, no hands!"

f xxx
little johnny came home from his catholic school one day, with a black eye. his father saw it and said johnny, how many times have I told you not to fight with the other boy?. little johnny said, but dad it wasn't my fault. we were all sitting in church saying our prayers. we all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her bum. i reached over and pulled it out. that's when she hit me. 'johnny' his father said ' you don't do those kinds of things to women.'

sure enough, the very next day johnny cam home with another black eye. Johnny's father said johnny i thought we had a talk yesterday. ' but dad' Johnny said ' it wasn't my fault we were sitting in church saying our prayers then we all stood up and the teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her bum. then Louie, who was sitting next to me, reached over and pulled it out. now i know she doesn't like this, so i pushed it back in.
i have a couple they are gross...

1.

At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-*** jock raises his hand.

"What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exahausted?''

''Well, I guess you'd just use your other hand to write.

2.

Three nuns die, but they all have to answer one question to get into heaven. The first nun is asked who the first man on earth was. She replies, ''Oh that's easy, Adam!'' Lights flash and the pearly gates open.

The second nun is asked ''Who was the first woman on earth?'' she says, ''That's easy, Eve!'' Lights flash and the gates open.

The Third nun is asked, ''What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?'' The nun is puzzled and can't figure it out, so she says, ''That's a hard one.'' Lights flash up and the pearly gates open.

ok last one

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.

Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"

Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."

Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"

Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."

Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"

Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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