Anti English Jokes anyone????

I need some anti-english jokes or jokes that show the english in a bad light.

For example:

Q - How many englishman does it take to stop a train?

A - NOT ENOUGH

Anti English Jokes anyone????-Myspace pictures

As a Welshman, this doesn't offend me in the least. So there!

Anti English Jokes anyone????

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

Kiss my ring piece
you yanky wench! the english are the mutts nuts back off!!
We are not amused
If you can't think of your own, maybe you're being outclassed and should give in... like in Vietnam...
you are the biggest anti english joke i have seen yet!
A couple of British hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 閳ユ发y friend is dead! What can I do?閳?The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 閳ユ窙ust take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.閳?There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 閳ユ伐K, now what?"
google it their is heaps
no but i can think of plenty of anti american and interbreeding redneck jokes
British/English humour has a proud tradition of taking the p*ss out of the British/English.....Fawlty Towers, Dads Army, Monty python, etc, etc.

I cant think of any particular english jokes at the moment - but thats just me. I love comedy, but am terrible at remembering and telling jokes

The so-called joke that you have given as an example is rubbish.

It doesnt rely on any percieved characteristics of the English, it does not draw on any particularly English situation - in fact, it would be equally 'funny', when applied to any nationality.

Just my 'English' opinion
Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the other one could drive!

Why did the sun never set on the British Empire?

Because not even God could trust them in the dark.

How can you tell an Englishman is sexually excited?

By the stiff upper lip.

Any crisis, large or small, can be dealt with in Britain

by following the standard government four-stage plan. The

press releases for this are as follows:

1. "We don't think there is a problem. No action needs

to be taken."

2. "There may be a slight problem, but it's not our place

to try to do anything about it."

3. "There may well be a problem, but we must consider all

possible courses of action and not rush into anything."

4. "Well, perhaps we could have done something, but it's

too late now!"

Did you hear what the English, the Irish and the Scots did

when they heard The world was coming to an end?

The English all went out and got drunk. The Irish all went

to church and the Scots had a closing down sale.

An Englishman and a Frenchman are discussing the Channel Tunnel.

The Frenchman is saying how wonderful it is that this co-operative

venture is taking place, and that he never expected the English to

go to such trouble to be united to the mainland of Europe.

"Oh that's nothing," says the Englishman, "You should have seen

the trouble we had digging the Channel in the first place!"

A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe

for three months, when he was finally given a week of R%26amp;R. He

caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England,

then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded

and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked

the length of the train looking for any place to sit down.

Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other;

there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only

a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in

the empty seat beside her.

"Could I please sit in that seat," he asked.

The lady was insulted, "You Americans are so rude," she said,

"Can't you see my dog is sitting there?"

He walked through the train more and still could not find a seat.

He found himself back at the same place.

"Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad

to hold your dog if I can sit down," he said.

The lady replied, "you Americans are not only rude you are

arrogant," she said.

He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he

finally said, "lady, I've been on the front lines in Europe for

three months with not a decent rest for all that time; could I

please sit there and hold your dog?"

The lady replied, "You Americans are not only rude and arrogant,

you are also obnoxious."

With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the

dog, threw it out the widow, and sat down.

The lady was speechless.

An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other

seat spoke up.

"Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady's

description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a

lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you

hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown

the wrong ***** out of the window."

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man.

One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked over

to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder, "Hey, I

hear your St. Patrick was a sissy."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled the English man walked back to his buddies.

"I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn't care!"

"You just don't know how to set him off, watch and learn."

The second English man walked over and tapped the Irish

man on the shoulder.

"I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!"

"Oh, wow, I didn't know that, thank you."

Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his

buddies. "You're right, he is unshakable!"

The third English man said, "No, no, no, I will really

piss him off, you just watch."

The English man walked over to the Irish man, tapped him

on the shoulder and aid, "I hear your St. Patrick was an

English man!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."
Visit a website for " Blonde " jokes and swop "Blonde" for English.

It's Ok honey ,we understand the need to fit in with your new neighbours necessitates the mutual picking on of a common enemy .

Glad to be of service

Community forged of shared values and history is the strongest.

It will only take about 2 generations for you to get accepted .

Good Luck

M
The Labour party have today changed their emblem from a rose to a condom as it more accurately reflects the labour governments political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production,destroys the next generation,protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you are actually being f****d.
well I am deeply offended, I doff my top hat in your general direction and retreat to have a cup of Earl Grey

Good day!
ahem ahem
This is racist. If i asked for anti-pakistani or anti-Iraqi jokes I would most probably be suspended, so why should you get away with it? Its ok to knock the English, but the English are banned from offending any other creed or culture, not that the majority of us would want to offend anyone anyway
I like a good joke but half of these can hardly be described as being Anti English. They're just jokes which can apply to anyone and you guys have just switched the main character to being English.

So far in my eyes Christopher is winning (that Siamese twins one is good). Let's have ones that actually only apply to the British please.
I'm scottish and this is so pointless, get a life.
The only anti-English joke i know is the one where I can't actually refer to myself as English because it might make me look like a racist.
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment,along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA's response was just one sentence "Thaw the chicken."
Sorry, to busy being English.
i'm not english so i'm not offended one bit....... go pick on them if you want......that's your choice and only you will face the consequences........
There aren't any odd or idiotic people left in England anymore - we exported them all to this new land we found a good few hundred years ago now. Somewhere across the Atlantic I believe.

It took a bit of a fight to get rid of them all, had to have a little waqr to get them all motivated to stay but it worked.

I hear they're doing quite well, the loveable little bunch of plebs!
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub

together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they

were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each

of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Scotsman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Irishman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued

drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Englishman too , picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over

the beer and then started yelling "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU

BASTARD!!!!"

There's an English man, Irish man and a Scotsman. They're being chased

by a policeman. They see this old warehouse so they run in. Inside

there are 3 empty sacks on the floor. They each jump in a sack. In

comes the copper and see's these three bundles on the floor. Goes up to

the first one and kicks it. The Scotsman shout out, "Woof Woof", and

the copper thinking it's just an old dog leaves it and kicks the second

sack. The Irishman yells out, "Me-ow me-ow", he leaves this one as well

thinking its just an old cat. He walks over to the last sack and kicks

it, and the Englishman yells out.. "Potatoes Potatoes..!"
I say old boy ! your question is not cricket
Why do people think America was won ? It was lost, due to amount of wars a small nation was fighting at same time and stupid German King !
i avnt gt 1 im really sorri :'(
I don't know any but i hear the yanks are full of it so go on....ask them......a$$hole.