Ur Momma Jokes or Blonde Jokes???????

Please tell me some of the Ur Momma jokes and/or blonde jokes! I know a bunch and I want to see if there is any that I haven't heard.

Ur Momma Jokes or Blonde Jokes???????-Myspace pictures

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

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Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

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Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

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Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

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Yo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

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Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!

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Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!

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Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!

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Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.

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Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.

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Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

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Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

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Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

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Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on your knee!"

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The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

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A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"

The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"

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A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.

First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:

Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

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Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.

The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,

"I think they could be bird tracks."

The second blonde went to look and said,

"No, I think these are deer tracks."

They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

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A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

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A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."

But the blonde insisted saying,

"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,

"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

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I hope you enjoyed........

Don

Ur Momma Jokes or Blonde Jokes???????

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check out http://www.geocities.com/jokem... for some funny and cool stuff Report It


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A bolnde goes ice fishing she is sittingthere for a while then all of the sudden she hears "there are no fish in the water....." boomed a voice she says is that you lord? then the voice replied "no this is the owner of the ice fink get of the ice please!

lol Report It


There was a blonde who wanted to earn some extra money, so she figured she would be a handywoman. She started early to her neighbor's on Saturday morning, knocked on the door and told him that she was the new local handywoman. "Do you have anything you need done around here?" she asked. "Well, I've been meaning to get that porch painted for awhile. How much will you charge?" The blond quickly responded, "$50!" "All right!" said the man "Paint and brushes are in the shed. If you need anything else, let me know." His wife, overhearing the entire conversation, thinks that this is a reasonable, fairly intelligent blond, but wonders how she can charge so little for painting the porch that wrapped around the entire house! About an hour later, the blond returns to collect her money. "Done already?" said the man. "Yep," the blond replied. "And there was enough paint to give it two coats!" "Wow, that's great" he said. He hands her the money and as she turns to go she says, "Oh, and by the way, it閳ユ獨 not a porch, it's a Lexus."

A blonde is in Florida and goes into a shoe store. She asks the guy at the counter to show her his best alligator (skin) shoes. So he does, and the blonde likes them. She asks what the price is, and the guy says $1000. She閳ユ獨 shocked and begs the man to lower the price. He doesn't. 閳ユ阀erhaps you should go make your own,閳?he says sarcastically. The blonde leaves the store without replying. Later that day the salesman is driving back home and sees the same blonde in a swamp with a shot gun. Suddenly an alligator swims up to the blonde. The blonde shoots at it and hits it. She pulls it up on shore next to a pile of other dead alligators. She flips the alligator over and yells, 閳ユ窉rat, this one doesn閳ユ獩 have shoes either!閳?br>

A bartender was working one day when a group of blondes enter the bar. They order a couple drinks and gather around a table chanting "51 days! 51 days!" Soon another group of blondes enter the bar and do the same, all the while chanting "51 days! 51 days!" The bartender became confused but didn't bother asking. Soon another blonde walks in with some sort of picture under her arm and joins the rest. The bartender becomes very curious so he waits until the shouting dies down and walks over to the table. The picture he saw was a children閳ユ獨 puzzle that was glued to cardboard. He asks what was with all the chanting. A blonde answers, "The box of this puzzle says 2-4 yrs. we finished it in 51 days!!"
1-Q: How do you drown a blond?

A: Put a 'scratch and sniff sticker' on the bottom of the pool.

2-Your mamma's so fat when she sits on a quarter she makes George Washington's nose bleed!
1) Your mama's so fat, that she lost Hide and Seek, only because I found her behind Mount Everest

2) Your mama's so stupid, she thought a Quarter Back was a refund

3) Your mama's so ugly, when she looked out the window, she was arrested, for mooning.

4) Your mama's so stupid, that she put lipstick on her head, jst to makeup her mind.
A:ur mama is so fat she when to in and out burgers she when in but didnt comeout.

B:ur momma is so stupid she put paper on the t.v and said hey kids we got "paperview"

sorry dont got any blonde jokes
Your momma is bigger than a planet and needs an Asteroid belt to keep her stomach in.
www.lotsofjokes.com
Q:What did the blonde say to the married woman?

A:Dumb , Dumb , Dumb , Dumb ( Wedding Melody)
Father gives blonde daughter advice about winter driving. He says, "if you are ever caught in a blizzard, just follow a snowplow." Soon after that, she's out and about when a serious snow storm blows in. She does just what her father advised and began following the first snowplow she saw. After following the plow for quite some time, it suddenly stops, so she stops. The driver gets out and walks over to her car. She rolls down the window, and he asks her, "young lady, why are you following me?" She explains that her father told her to follow a snowplow if she was ever caught in a blizzard. The driver says, "well, okay, that's fine with me; as soon as I finish here at K-Mart, I'm heading over to Walmart."
Your mama so fat she heard it was chilly out so she went outside with a bowl.
UR momma is so old that she saw rainbows when they were still in black and white
Yo Momma's so dumb it takes her an hour to cook Minute Rice!

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How can you tell a blonde's been using your computer?

When there's White-Out on the monitor.
Yo momma so old she farts dust!!

Yo momma so short she does push ups under the door!!!

Yo momma so big she got hit by a car,she turn around and said quit throwing rocks!!!

Yo momma so fat her belt size is equator!!!

There was a couple that were on there way to meet their folks in the country...in the middle of nowhere they run out of gas...so the get out and walk to the nearest house for help...they walk to the porch to see a old blonde on the porch..they ask her..does she have any fuel or a car to go to town for some gas....she says yea we got a truck but sally has the key and shes casting that rod again...the poor couple turn to see a blonde sally casting a fishing rod in a open field...the first blonde explains she always does that ,shes dumb, old, and crazy.....the couple look at each other....then she says well i guess i'll hop in the boat and go get her......lol