Jokes!! :D?

Ok, I'm bored so I want to see who can tell me the best joke. I'll tell you one of mine.

One day 2 muffins are in the oven.

One says 'Holy man, it's hot in here!'

The other replies, 'HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!'

xD So yeah that's just a sample, so feel free to post your most funniest jokes ;D

Jokes!! :D?-Myspace pictures

ok, here's a long but funny one:

one day, 3 prisoners decided to breakout of jail and so when the timing was right, they made a dash for it. they ran into a dead end and police were hot on their heels. there were 3 big empty rice sacks on the floor so they decided to each hide into one. then the police came...

police: they must be in the rice sacks. let's check out the first one...

criminal #1:"meow! meow!"

police: oh it's just a cat. let's check out the second one...

criminal #2: "woof! woof!"

police: oh it's just a dog. it's gotta be the last sack...

criminal #3: "potato! potato!"

... ... ... ... cheers!

Jokes!! :D?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

lol i luv the muffin joke!!!!!!!! thats awesome...sry i have none but i like urs =)
hhe th muffin one IS funny

heres minee

Why did sammy the squirell swim on his back...?

To keep his nuts dry XD

and

geuss what the gay magician did?

he went off with a POOF !! haha

XD hope u like theemm :) byeee
Haha, i know this one is lame, but i love it.

A man enters his local bar holding a frog and and iguana. He sets them down on the bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1000 that my frog here can sing any song you can think of." "Ok," says the bartender. "How 'bout 'Blue Moon'?" The man whispers something to the frog, and the frog starts singing blue moon. "That's amazing," says the bartender as he slaps down $1000. "I'll bet ya another $1000 that my iguana here can do that to." "Ok, I can believe a frog, but not an iguana. You're on. Have him sing the Star Spangled Banner." The man whispers something to the iguana and it sings the Star Spangled Banner. As the bartender hands over another $1000, a businessman comes up and says, "I just saw that and I was amazed. I want to buy your iguana for $100,000." The man said ok, and he exchanged the iguana for the money and the businessman left. The bartender said "What are you nuts?! You could have made millions with that iguana!" The man said "Oh, the iguana can't sing. The frog's a ventriloquist."

Haha, my sister is a lawyer and im a teacher, so we always bug eachother and i post lawyer jokes on her myspace page, as she post teacher jokes on mine.

A young guy walks into a post office and sees a middle鈥揳ged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing 鈥淟ove鈥?stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and sprays scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the best of him, the guy goes up to the man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, 鈥淚鈥檓 sending out a thousand Valentine cards signed, 鈥淕uess who?鈥?br> 鈥淏ut why?鈥?Asked the young guy.

鈥淚鈥檓 a divorce lawyer,鈥?the bald man replied.
A man and a woman were happily married for many years, but one day, the man forgot it was their anniversary. So, the wife was mad. However, she said that he could make it up to her if, by the next morning, there was something in the driveway that could go from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds.

The next morning, she woke up and looked out the window, but there was no car in the driveway. There was a small wrapped package instead. She rushed out and tore the wrapping off...

Inside, there was a scale.
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy and tell him it'll be a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?"

She says, "A hundred dollars."

He says, "****. All I've got is thirty."

She says, "Hold on." She runs back to Harry and says, "What can he get for thirty dollars?"

Harry says, "A handjob."

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob.

He says, "Okay."

She gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a HUGE PENIS.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."

She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you lend this guy seventy bucks?"

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