Post your funniest jokes here and the funniest joke will be selected as best answer. Please post jok

Our annual joke contest for my church group has came around. I need tons of funny jokes and riddles. The winner will be selected by the guests. The winner will get a 50$ gift card and a gift basket. Please help me win. I must get as many jokes possible in any possible way. If i win i am planning to buy 25 dollars in food to donate to our city's can food colection for the poor. Thankx for the jokes.

Post your funniest jokes here and the funniest joke will be selected as best answer. Please post jokes here!?-Myspace pictures

An Australian rugby fan,a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand rugby fan

An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a

New Zealand rugby fan are all in Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of

booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia,

so for the terrible Crime of actually being caught consuming the

booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers,

They are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life

imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day, their

trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they

could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:

"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow

each of you one wish before your whipping."

The South African was first in line, he thought for a while and then

said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip

went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away

bleeding and crying with pain.

The Australian was next up. After watching the South African's Horror he

said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two

pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again

and the Australian was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The New Zealander was the last one up, but before he could say

anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most

beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in

the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Kiwi replied.

In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me

Not 20 lashes but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you Are

also very brave", the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second

wish"?

"Tie the Australian to my back."

Post your funniest jokes here and the funniest joke will be selected as best answer. Please post jokes here!?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

theres a bus full of ugly people and they crash the person who crashes into them wishes them one wich befoer they get to heaven so every1 gets there in line.

the first person says i want to be gorgeus the 2nd person says i want to be gorgeous than evey1 starts saying this.

by the time theres 10 people in line the guy at the end is laughing so hard and rolling on the ground.

then it gets to him he clams down and they ask him his wish he says

make them all ugly again
you r going to love this one:

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny?

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
When Bill Clinton reached the pearly gates and knocked, St. Peter asked "Who is it?"

Clinton said, "It`s me, Bill Clinton."

Peter asked, "Have you done anything wrong that I should know about?"

Clinton said, "I smoked pot once, but you can`t hold it against me because I did not inhale. I was unfaithful to my wife, but you cannot hold it against me because I didn`t have sex. I lied, but you can`t hold it against me because I didn`t commit perjury."

Peter said "Well we are going to send you to a place, but we`re not going to call it Hell. You are going to stay there for a while, but we are not going to call it eternity."
OLD" IS WHEN..............

OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
there was 3 girls and they were in a large room full of ducks, God tells them that if any of them were to step on one of the ducks, they will be chained to a ugly guy forever.

For a few days the three girls avoided the ducks untill one suddenly stepped on one, just as what God said she was chained with an ugly guy.

For a while the 2 girls that was left avoided stepping on the ducks until one day another girl stepped on one, she was also chained with an ugly guy.

The last girl left was very good at this, she avoided stepping on the ducks and one day a gorgeous looking guy appeared out of nowhere and was chained to her "What did I do to get this?" she said happily " i dont know, I stepped on a duck" he replied.