JOKES, ppl i need jokes!?

tell me your funniest jokes, yo mama, blonde, short, long any kind except dirty jokes, no dirty jokes please, just make me laugh thanks!!!!!!!

JOKES, ppl i need jokes!?-Myspace pictures

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.........................................

A housewife takes a lover during the day,

while her husband is at work.

Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.

Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.

The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "鎷?50."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy

and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "I'll tell."

Man: "How much?"

Boy: "鎷?50."

Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy,

"Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says, "鎷?,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends

like that. That is way more than those two things cost.

I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and

makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and

closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

JOKES, ppl i need jokes!?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

once a blonde a brunette

and a red head were

stuck on an island. the

redhead saw some caves

so they went it and

noticed a shiny lamp

a genie came out and

promised them each a

wish

the brunette wished for

a wealthy husband

the brunette wished

to go to harvard and get

an amazing job

and the blonde sat in the

cave for hours thinking

about her wish

she finally said

"I wish i could have my friends back"

ENJOY!!!
your momma is so fat, when she jumped in the ocean, all the whales started singing, "we are family, even though your fatter than me!"

once, a blonde, brunette, and redhead were in a firing line, to get out, the brunette yelled "tornado!" the firing line ducked, and she got away. The redhead yelled "hurricane!" they ducked and she got away. The blonde stepped up, and then said "fire!" and she got shot.