Anybody got any hilarious jokes?

ok this is a joke thread i'll start trying to do a new one once every week, anyways just tell jokes and i'll rate who has the best, post them in one reply and no more than 2 jokes, if i see you're name more than once or you have more than 2 jokes i'll just ignore it even if its hilarious, also i dont care if its racist or just plain disgusting, i love all jokes, please no aristocrat though im tired of that one, i will pick my favorite after a couple days, ok good luck everyone

DUE TO THE GRAPHICAL CONTENT OF SOME JOKES VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

Anybody got any hilarious jokes?-Myspace pictures

!!!Pretty inapprorpiate!!! (But not too bad.)

There once were two boobs. They were happy boobs on a happy lady, but the left boob sagged quite a bit lower than the right. So one day the right boob said to the left, "we need to get some support up in here or people are going to think we're nuts!"

Anybody got any hilarious jokes?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

i can't think of none.

Sorry!!!
Q: What do u call stolen Cheddar????

A: Nacho Cheese!!!!!! (Not yo cheese) XD
chuck noris's favorite thing to do is knit blankets. by knit he means kick and by blankets he means babys.

chuck noris can watch an episode of 60 miniuts in 45 seconds

when chuck noris jumps in a lake he doesant get wet the water gets chuck noris

the movie anaconda was shot in chuck noris's pants
knock knock

whos there

interupting cow

interuptng co-----MOO
why were there only 10,000 mexicans at the alamo?

because there were only 2 cars. :)
There was a Chinese guy who just moved to Canada and knew only three English words-- or should I say sentences:

"Only fifty cents!",

"Yes, yes, very fresh!", and

"Not today, maybe tomorrow."

He opened up an apple shop and a customer came by. She asked the guy, "How much do these apples cost?" The Chinese guy said, "Only fifty cents!" The customer asked, "Are they fresh?" The Chinese guy responded with, "Yes, yes, very fresh!" The customer then asked him, "Can I buy one right now? Chinese guy said "Not today, maybe tomorrow."

Later that evening, the Chinese guy was packing up his shop, when suddenly, a burglar appeared. "Give me all your money!!!" the burglar demanded, sticking a gun out at him. The Chinese guy said, "Only fifty cents!" The burglar said, with anger in his voice, "What, are you trying to be fresh with me!!?" "Yes, yes, very fresh," said the Chinese guy. The burglar then was so enraged that he tightly gripped his gun, and in a low deep voice, he said, "Do you want me to kill you right now?" "Not today, maybe tomorrow." said the Chinese guy.
there are three guys a Mexican a Brazilian and an Asian that have been caught by the immigration, the immigration man says I'll let you guys go if you can tell me a sentence using the words green pink and yellow, he asks the Asian and he says i got nothing then he asks the Brazilian and he says i got nothing then he asks the Mexican and he says the phone goes green green and i pink it up and say yellow.
alright, i got one

a lawyer that is the most successful in the whole town gets a call from a charity company and they ask him why he hasnt given any money to their charity when everybody else has, and he said that his sister's husband died in a car accident and left her penniless with three children, and how his mother broke her back and got confined to a wheelchair and cannot pay her bills, and how his wife had kimo and her income couldnt afford even half of it, and just as the charity worker was going to apologize he said "and i havent payed any of them so im not going to pay you!" then he hung up.
one blonde asks this other blonde

"which do u think is closer, the moon or chicago?" her blonde friend replies "well, u can see the moon right? can u see chicago?"
ok so the is two versions of this

1. ok so there is three guys two walk into a bar and the third ducked

2. Ok so there is a guy and he walks into a bar and says ouch
Here:

So a lady wanted to play the violin at her wedding, but before she went on her mother announced, "Sorry Ann cannot play tonight, her G string snapped."

EDIT: here is another:

So there are three guys walking in a desert w/ there camels looking for treasure. So the Genie appears and says" If you want to get to my treasure you have to get through the obstical course w/o your camel farting or dying." So the first really smart guy went-his camel farted. The second average guy went-his camel died. The 3rd really dumb guy went-he made it through. The Genie asked him how he did it, and he replies by saying "Me no stupid, Me no dumb, Me stick the finger up the camel bum.