JOKES (star this if you think its ....!?

i am really bored and stressed andi need some jokes!

any kind of jokes suits me, espically the blond and little johnny. please tell me some jokes that are funny and long! thanks

JOKES (star this if you think its ....!?-Myspace pictures

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

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A GUT-WRENCHING FART STORY A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that night. He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he came out and stated, honey, you were right about me farting my guts out, BUT WITH THE GRACE OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT THEM BACK IN THERE.

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once a guy got in a car wreck and his eyelids burned off. So the doctors had to take skin from his dick to put on his eyelids now he's a little ccock-eyed

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Last Days

A leper goes into a nearby tavern after his doctor informs him that he has only a few weeks left to live. He explains his situation to the barkeep and asks for his compassion and says "I know I look pretty disgusting and all, but do you think I could sit down there at the end of the bar, next to that old bum? It's dark down there and the other patrons wouldn't be able to see me very well." The barkeep agrees and gives him the first drink on the house. After some time, the barkeep returns to the end of the bar to check up on his two unfortunates. The leper asks for one more beer before leaving. As the barkeep sets the beer down, he pukes all over the bar. The leper says "I didn't think you'd be able to stomach the sight of me much longer...sorry to have troubled you." The barkeep states "no, it's not the sight of you that got to me...that bum next to you was dipping his chips in your arm."

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Adult Report Card

One day a little girl goes up to her mom and asks her how old she is.

"That's not something adults like to tell," her mother replies.

Then the little girl asks her mother how much she weighs.

"That's not something adults like to talk about, honey" she replies.

"How come you and daddy got a divorce?" the little girl asks.

"We don't like to talk about that either, honey." she says, ending the conversation.

The next day the little girl asks a friend about why her mother wouldn't answer any of her questions.

The friend explains: "It's an adult thing. Just look at her driver's license, it's like a report card for adult's. It will tell you everything you need to know."

So when she got home from school she went up to her mother and said, "Mommy, I know how old you are."

"How old?" her mother asked.

"47."

The little girl said: "I know how much you weigh."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you weigh 135 pounds. And I know why you and daddy got divorced."

"Okay, why is that?" her mom said.

And the little girl replied, "Because you got an F in sex!"

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JOKES (star this if you think its ....!?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

My karma ran over your dogma.

Little boy and little girl sitting together naked.(don't ask why) and then the little boy asks the little girl whats that. she says she doesn't know, she in return asks the little boy whats that, he says he doesn't know either. They ask their parents. The boys father told him it was his limo, and that he should try to park in all girls garages. The girls mom told her it was her garage and that she should NEVER let anyone park their limos in it. When the little girl came home from shool the next day, she had blood on her, her mom asks what happened and she said Some guy tried to park his limo in my garage so i popped his two front tires!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

How are a blonde and a turtle the same?

When their on their backs their screwed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Did you hear about the Dyslexic devil-worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
here is blonde one

Three women, a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were having a conversation during their lunch break at work when the topic came to be about their daughters.

"I found a 1/2 pack of cigarettes in my daughter's room," the brunette said. "I didn't know my daughter smoked!" The redhead gasped in awe.

Then the redhead added, "I found a bottle of vodka in my daughter's room. I didn't know she drank!" The brunette shook her head in disapproval.

Then finally after listening intently, the blonde blurted out, "I found a pack of condoms in my daughter's room. I didn't know she had a penis!"
Teacher:"What is your name?".

Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."

Teacher:"When I ask a question in English, answer it in english."

Student:"My name is Sunlight ..
How can you tell when a blond is having a really bad day?

. . .

. . . When her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
HOW do YOU drown a blonde?

Put a mirror in the bottom of the pool.

;)
Well i don't know if this is a little jonny one, but ...

The teacher told everyone to write a letter to a friend. She started to walk around to see how everyone was going. She then stopped at Jonny.

"Jonny why are you writing so slowly?"

Jonny replies:

"cause my friend can't read fast"